"Let's see, we've got quick death, slow death, painful death, cold, lonely death..."

Contrary to what this blog might profess, I am still alive. And I actually did go to Egypt. And it actually was awesome.

However, I am now being buried under the weight of six classes (e in idiot, much?) and attempting to have a social life and failing quite miserably. SO. I will eventually get pictures and exciting things like an Egypt!re-enactment a la 'netspeak posted, but for now, just letting you know that I did not, in fact, run off with an Egyptian man, as M and R kept teasing.

I am also not dead.

Horray!

Going to bury self in Arabic now. al-humdu lillah!

*head --> desk*

Oh, and Shannon I got your email and will be replying asap! <3!!

“…she smiles in an exhausted but warm sort of way, as though she is a brilliant sun in some other galaxy.”

- Still alive!

- Ulpan, Hebz and such are all going well. Not too much to report.

- Went to Tel Aviv this weekend with a gaggle of girls and the Dutch Sasquatch. Learned that I definitely - definitely - chose correctly when I picked HU over Tel-Aviv University (didn't even bother applying) - TLV is definitely not my scene. It's all beach and clubs and alcohol and random hookups. Not saying it wasn't fun, but I'm happy to be back in J-Lem, with its evil Shabbis-breaking parking-lots and sci-fi Saturdays.

- Had a wonderful bout of anxiety, spawned by bathing suits and a beach-side club full of really, really, really gorgeous people. (No, seriously - if M. hadn't talked to the guy on the phone before we got there, there's no way they would have let us in the door, our fashion sense aside. Too many supermodels in Tel Aviv; I'll take my Haredim and their funny Shabbis hats, thanks.) Handled it well, though. Scooby Gang + Sasquatch went to the beach, and I (sans bathing suit) tooled around a shopping area, met some wonderfully nice and very helpful Israelis*, and saw The Time Traveler's Wife. GORGEOUS film. Everyone should see it, just for the cinematography. The story line was beautiful, too, but it was the camera-work that really impressed me. I might go see it again this week with some of the Scoobies.

- Why do they never hold sci-fi conventions in Israel? Seriously. I'm sure Joe Flanigan's hair would be just as awesome in the desert as anywhere else. *harumph*

- Farscape S2 finally finished! I can watch the season finale now, horray! (My life is so exciting.)

- No, really! Potential going to Egypt over the break, with a few dudes and maybe a few people from the Scooby Gang. Caiirroooooo. And possibly Petra (in Jordan)! Al-Arabiyya!! How I have missed you so.




* Israeli Sandwich Maker Guy was so incredibly sweet. I must recount the conversation, so I can remember later. It was so precious.

Him: Ma at rotseh?
Me: Uhh... ani lo yodehat... uh... err... *looks very confused*
Him: *highly amused by my fail* Anglit?
Me: *relieved sigh* Cen, yes, thank you.
Him: What you want? Lamb? Cheese?
Me: No, thank you, I'm -
Him: We have turkey. You want sandwich?
Me: Yes, thank you, but I'm vegan. I don't eat -
Him: Oh, yeah, yeah okay, no, uh, cheese or egg or meat.
Me: Or dairy, yes.
Him: Ah, okay, what can we make for you? Hmmm, eh, you like mayonnaise?
Other guy: That has egg.
Him: Oh, right okay, how about... pesto?
Other guy: That has mayonnaise.
Him: Right. How about tahini? Is very good!
Me: Yes, that'd be wonderful, thank you!
Him: Okay.... how about... you like cabbage? Is salad with eh...
Other guy: Mayonnaise.

And so on and so forth, hee. It was SO CUTE. He wound up making me a wonderful sandwich with roasted peppers, tomatoes, tahini, olive bruschetta and pickles. SO GOOD. It might be a stereotype, but it's so true that every Israeli I've met so far has been so helpful. No matter what you're trying to do or where you're tying to go, they'll go out of their way to help you. It's quite wonderful.

"I'm bageling."

Quick updatersons!

- Things still going well. Life consists of Hebz, Hebz, more Hebz, and the occasional JLem adventure. Last night we went to a club (*gasp!* Catherine in a club! ALERT THE MEDIA.) which was actually a lot of fun. Awkward, complete with scantily clad chicks and one really, really creepy dude who kept trying to dance with us (um, no. I am not going anywhere near that with a ten-foot poll, thank). Ms. Goreman warned us all about STDs, and I didn't have my flashlight, so. SOL, buddy.)

- Going into JLem again to day, hopefully for sight-seeing and food.

- Do not have 'nets in the dorm as of now, so we're making do with the Playground (literal) Net Access outside. It kinda blows, but at least it's available. We're working on getting a router... hopefully we'll be plugged in by early next week? (Guy from internet service, complete with thick Israeli accent: "Someone will come to make the connection and den you can start surfing." Hee.)

- Only Elizabeth will care about this, but I made the mistake of watching First Strike yesterday, and then because I had no 'nets, had no one to yell at! So I yelled at my computer. "No! This is a bad plan! Johhnnn! You're SO going to regret this! "Haha yeah, I don't think that's your call." OH, BURN! I heart you Rodney. NO! Lizzeh! Get away from the window! *CRIES*" Still don't know if roomie overheard the flail-fail. ...so then I watched the last ten minutes of Tao and flailed over Rodney/Lizzeh BFFness.

- Too bad they don't put SGA in Hebz. I would learn it so fast!

- Must go now. To quote Russian Guy #3, "I'm bageling in the heat!"

"Clarification: it's a beautiful thing."

photograph by Christian Als, a Danish photojournalist. Taken in Gaza just after the Israeli invasion of January, 2009. Behind a white dove, Gazan civilians search through the bombed out rubble for their belongings.

I would like to clarify - for the sake of not getting in trouble with future employers/the State Department - my earlier rant on the Palestinian/Israeli conflict. It's a complicated issue, and I'm well aware of that fact, despite what my angry tirade may have sounded like.

First of all, I understand that this is not a one-sided issue. It's not even a two-sided issue. There are multiple perspectives and experiences to take into account. I may just be "that white chick from America (andOr-e-gone no less)" but I would like to imagine that my point of view and experiences are valid as well. To bring you (general you) up to date not-briefly-at-all, my story and opinions go like this:

Sophomore year of high school, an extremely good friend of mine moved to Palestine for a year. She was in the West Bank, near Ramallah (map). For reference, that's about 40 minutes North of Jerusalem, and in order to get there you have to go through an Israeli checkpoint, of which there are many (understatement) (map).

For those who are unaware, "checkpoints" are various barriers between cities throughout the West Bank and Gaza. They separate not only Israel from the Occupied Territories, but also cities within Palestine. They were erected with the aim of making Israel safer from attacks by terrorists, which is an incredibly valid concern, of course. However, the majority of checkpoints do not sit on the border between Israel and Palestine like one might expect - for the most part, they are located throughout Palestine, as the map shows, and they have many unintended - and possibly intended - consequences. Not only do they harm the Palestinian economy, making it very difficult to do sort of business transaction between cities, but they also separate families.

Let's say I live in Hebron, and you live in Ramallah. GoogleMaps puts that at about an hour and a half drive. Not too bad, right? Now take a look at the map of checkpoints. Not only do you have to plan your trip in advance, and obtain a permit to cross into another city (so no surprise visits on my birthday), it can take hours upon hours to get through checkpoints, even with all the proper identification and paperwork. It's not like crossing the border into Canada: "What is your purpose here?" "Visiting family." "How long will you stay?" "Three days." "Do you have any fruit?" "No." "Have a good trip."

Not so much.

But I digress. So: friend in the West Bank. Annoying time difference, yes, but what does it matter? It's not like it's dangerous or anything! ...oh. Wait. It's 2004-2005. Events you may recall: PNA (Palestinian National Authority) President Yassir Arafat dies; Mahmoud Abbas is (KEYWORD) elected president of the PNA. Peacefully. Abbass goes to the White House to meet with Bush. Israel withdraws from Gaza (map) after Hamas gains political power in the January, 2006 PNA elections.

Note: Hamas is regarded as a terrorist organization by Israel and the US. According to the Council on Foreign Relations, this if false. There is what the CFR calls a "military wing" (al-Qassum Brigade). I'm not entirely sure I concur with that assessment. Hamas has taken responsibilty for many suicide bombings in Israel, and for launching mortar shells and small rockets into southern Israel from Gaza. However, it maintains popularity among the Gazan people (generalization; not all people in Gaza support Hamas and not certainly not all/most support al-Qassam) because the political organization itself operates an extensive social service network for people in Gaza, providing food, water, health care, electricity, education, community activities, etc.

Another note, opinion style: If Hamas (Gaza) and Fatah (The West Bank) could pull their heads out of their collective rear ends and work together for the people of Palestine instead of fighting against each other for political power (which does the Palestinian people absolutely no good), it would go a long way to advancing the Palestinian position in the international community. Hamas does not recognize Israel as a state, and has claimed that they will not and can not live side-by-side with the enemy. Fatah works with Israel and the US, but their political influence is greatly weakened by what is seen as their inability to control Hamas. IF they could come to the table with Israel as a united front, representing simultaneously the people of Gaza, the West Bank, and East Jerusalem, it would make it much harder for Israel to disregard their demands.

More digressing. friend in West Bank. Lots of danger. This is still during the occupation, when there are enforced curfews (the IDF - Israeli Defense Forces - say when you can leave your homes, when you can't; how late you can stay out; where you can go; who you can visit; and so on and so forth). Months would go by and I wouldn't hear from my friend, and yet I'd be watching the news and reading the paper and hearing about a peaceful protest that was broken up by gunshots, military tanks, and tear gas. And I never knew - we never knew - whether she was okay. Whether she was injured, or even still alive. I realize that sounds dramatic, but it was a genuine fear.

My friend is home now, safe and sound, and while I don't believe in God I feel like I should thank someone for that, even if I haven't decided who.

Now it's junior year and there are exams and colleges to visit and road trips to be had and yadda yadda and at this point, I might have been able to study psychology and continue with French. (Keyword, might) But then I met Gili, who is Israeli, and who at the time lived in Hod HaSharon (now in Kfar Saba) which are both about 10 miles NE of Tel Aviv (map). This is just before summer, 2006 and the start of another Israel/Lebanon war. I don't know who here is familiar with Hizbollah, but it's an organization based in Lebanon that, like Hamas, provides extensive social services to Arabs in Lebanon; it's also very rocket happy. At the time Hassan Nasrallah, the leader of Hizbollah, was threatening to bomb Tel Aviv - if he missed, there's very little chance he would have missed my friend in Hod HaSharon.

And so Catherine goes to GW, joins the Middle East Studies Program, fraks up Arabic hardcore, and studies abroad in Israel.

But I'm not done yet. I mentioned something about opinions, right? So here's the bulk:

No side is "right."

Most if not all Israelis know someone who has died in a bombing. Most if not all Israelis live in constant fear of terrorist attacks. And that is unacceptable. I have great sympathy for the people of Sderot - their daily lives are continuously disrupted because of mortar attacks from across the Gaza border. Phrases to loved ones on the phone like, "Hey, sorry I gotta go - there's a bomb warning and I don't get service in the shelter" aren't uncommon, and they should be. They shouldn't happen at all. But they do. And I am not, by any stretch of the imagination, insensitive to their plight.

I understand that Isreal, in part, is doing what it believes it must do to protect its people. But I also believe firmly that there is a line between what is necessary for survival and what is unjust.

The Separation Wall is unjust. The Wall is planned to be completed in 2010, at over 400 miles long, and over 200 feet wide (a combination of the Wall itself, ditches, and barbed-wire fences, and intrusion detection equipment that separate Israel from the West Bank). It effectively shuts Palestinians into the West Bank in a cold, ugly display of military might. In 2004, the International Court of Justice ruled that the Separation Wall violated both international and human rights laws. It denies Palestinians the right to self-determination, and it greatly weakens their economy, their education, their health, and their self-respect.

The siege on Gaza is unjust. 10 people per room because they aren't allowed building materials is unjust. Children are starving, families impoverished; there is little food, little water, no electricity, and very poor health care. Because Hamas controls Gaza, the US refuses to provide economic aid as it does to the PNA. The majority of the 1.4 million Palestinians living in Gaza are refugees and their decedents, civilians who were forced out of their homes during the 1948 war (after which Israel declared Statehood). I understand Israel's need to protect itself against rocket attacks, but people in Gaza aren't allowed to leave - not for health care, not for business, not for family (many of whom live in the West Bank, and haven't seen one another for years) - and on the rare occasion that they can leave, they can't come back.

When the IDF suspects it knows the location of a terror cell, it drops leaflets from the air to the surrounding homes, with messages telling citizens to leave immediately, that the area will be bombed. Most people have no where to go. The IDF has been known to bomb large areas, including schools, hospitals, and homes where terrorists may be hiding. I understand the desire to take out the enemy. But I do not agree with the decision to go forth with the effort no matter the cost - especially when the cost is civilian lives. Men, women, and children. It is not acceptable. It is not okay and it is certainly not just. I am not a military expert, but I find it incredibly hard to believe that with all the intelligence and might of the Israeli military, they can't come up with a better way to achieve their goals.

The collective punishment inflicted upon people in the West Bank and Gaza is in direct violation of international and human rights law. It is against the Geneva Conventions. It has been condemned by the international community time and again. And the risk of ruining my semi-scholarly essay with a quote from Battlestar Galactica "all of this has happened before, and all of this will happen again." The term "apartheid" used in symbiosis with the Palestinian cause makes some people nervous. But it's defined as legal, enforced segregation. And if a giant wall dividing two peoples doesn't qualify, I don't know what does. Most people don't enjoy parallels between what Israel is doing to the Palestinians, and what atrocities occurred during the Holocaust. Even I'm uncomfortable with the association. But I'd be remiss, and I'd be lying to myself not to look it in the eye and admit the similarities. And if I were Israeli, if I were Jewish, I cannot imagine how I would be able to face the mirror every day and say to myself "This happened to my ancestors. This happened to my family. And now my government is doing it to other people. And I'm okay with that, because it's necessary."

It isn't necessary. Not to this extent. Not to this degree of brutality and degradation. If Israel believes itself to be "the bigger man" - to be the one that garners the sympathy and support of other nations - then it needs to step up on the pedestal and play the roll of a state worthy of existence, not because of how its people suffered in the past, but because of its actions here and now.

I understand that there is no simple resolution. I understand that neither side is entirely right, and that both have agendas and concerns they need to address. I realize the issues are entrenched in decades of political and centuries of religious divisions. I realize the terrorism of al-Qassam and suicide bombers is born out of the same anger and desperation as the IDF soldier who believes that we should "move the Palestinians to Egypt." But I do not believe either of those options is the answer.

When people ask me, I will proudly say that I am quote "Pro-Palestinian" unquote. I believe in a two-state solution. I think East Jerusalem can and should be the capital of a Palestinian state. I think settlements should stop immediately, and I'm proud of President Obama for standing up and saying so. I believe there should be a Palestinian state, and I believe that one day, the two can live side by side in peace. I have to believe that. And someday, maybe I'll fight for it.

For now, I'm going to master my Arabic, master my Hebrew, and do what I can to make a difference in the everyday lives of Palestinians. I'm going to remain as open-minded as possible, but at the same time I will not compromise my basic beliefs.

Torri Higginson says, "[I believe that] most people are good. It's just unfortunate that bad people are louder." Maybe not the most eloquent phrase ever penned, but I love the sentiment, and for now, I will simply try to be louder.



PS: If anyone knows any of the factual statements here to be false, please correct me. I'd hate to be responsible for disinformation.

Er, sorry about the angry, blasphemous slang. I curse when I'm mad. As I told Shannon, must learn to use big, intense words instead of expletives. No offense meant to anyone! ♥!

I think your gun is compensating.

May not go to Golan. Theme of trip is "Israeli heroism". Not entirely sure I can handle it, post tonight's dinner.

Move all the Palestinians to Egypt.

Christ on a bike.

--

And you know what? I lied. I don't give you cement. I don't give you building materials. They need them to construct those things - what do you call them again? oh yeah: homes. And schools. And hospitals. Because Hamas is filled with a bunch of fucktards doesn't give you the right to deny food, water, shelter and basic human rights to an entire population of over one million. They have a phrase for that, actually. It's called "collective punishment." It's also illegal. You know who says? The Geneva Convention. Look it up. And after you do that, you can kiss my white, American, Palestinian-loving ass.

There. Now I'm mad.

And I feel better.

And I'm going to spend the weekend with Gili, who is way more awesome than 110 degree weather and hiking.

"I gotta blow, homes."

Pictures from the Shuk/Souk

- Group of us went to the Souk (al-Arabiyya > Evrit) last night and bought lots of fresh foods! Babo would have drooled over the fish, Mombo over the pastries. Catherine drooled over the basil. Mmmmmbasil. Going to make Italian dinner one of these nights. Possibly tonight (bi'layla)! We shall see (what thereat is, and this mystery explore! Let my heart be still a moment, and this mystery explore! 'Tis the wind and nothing more!).

- *nerd*

- First epic Evrit test today. Think it went well. We shall see (c-caw c-caw!). Set expectations low and be pleasantly surprised, y/y? N'am.

- Going to the Golan Heights this weekend with a group of talmidim/tulaab. There's hiking involved! Outdoorsy things and possibly bugs! Shocked, aren't you? Hopefully I'll remember my sunblock this time. Whoops. We're staying in a hostel and having Shabbat dinner. ....I should bring my own food, shouldn't I? No challah for me. :(

- Should see Gili again Mon or Tues before she leaves! I do not enjoy this irony NOR do I want to pay for it. Ugh. Can we move SAIC to Israel?

- S. from J-Fund emailed me yesterday! She is so sweet. She gave me her email and told me to keep in touch, even though she's leaving JF for other work. I miss them all so much. Must be awesome and get job at Pal NP here in J-Lem. M. from Hebrew class (formerly known as Arabic!Girl) said she'd help edit a letter b'il Arabiyya to one of the NPs I'm looking at. Just my luck I'd end up writing, "Good day, kind sir, and what a large penis you have!"

My brain. It fails.

- Lazy evening. Just may break out those SGA discs (still did not watch The Last Man). Oh, how I miss my sci-fi! And Torri! And the Flan! This requires impromptu Flan vid!

(10 minutes later) Ugh. Israel won't let me upload it. Ho. Anyway, it's here! Also, the classic - (15 minutes later) Ooh, and this one worked! Huzzah!

He is so totally my TV boyfriend.

- Just might take a nap. Brain = fried.

- BUT BUT BUT!! Recessional a la Babo! Shukran, Abee!!! I love it so much (even though you jazz'd it up ^^).

- Lehiterot! / Ma asalaama!

"If you're a Cylon, I'd like to know." "If I'm a Cylon, you're really screwed."

More later; for now - photo albums!

New York - with Mombo! features tall buildings, La MaMa ETC, random "artsy" shots and Mom, looking annoyed. <3

Kfar Saba - with Gili and O., cameos by Munchkin the Cat and Choompas the Dog! also includes an adorable baby and her Ima.

"Everywhere is walking distance if you have the time." - Steven Wright

Shalom/Salaam from Kfar Saba! Made it safely (no Petah Tikvah!), and got to talk to an Israeli art student on the bus who was getting off at the same place. She was very awesome, and very helpful, and slightly hungover. WIN.

Gili is currently taking a nap, for she is an insomniac and did not sleep. I, on the other hand, fell asleep at 9pm and didn't wake up until 8am. (Still jetlaged, mumkin?)

So I am catching up on my nets time, and will eventually shower/go study mah Hebrewz.

Sent an email to my old work to see if N. knows of any places in J-Lem that need volunteers/anyone who can help me with my atrocious al-Arabiyya.

Might get to see C. (girl from GW) who was studying in Jordan last year. She might come visit in J-Lem! PAR-TAY. Her al-Arabiyya is going to be so goooood. JEALOUS.

Went to the beach in Tel Aviv (b'il-arabiyya, it's Tel Abib (تل ابيب). Because there's no "v" in the Arabic alphabet. SO CUTE.) Met up with Gili's friend O.; she is so sweet! We are now Facebook BFFS. May or may not have gotten massively sunburned. We shall see.

Gili made me a gorgeous package with all kinds of awesome stuff, including a Zionist bear! I think I shall name him Jabotinsky. For the LOLs. And the most beautiful Hamza (Hand of Fatima) - it's clay and hand painted and just stunning. Pictures of all this to follow. Using Gili's sister's computer, so I'll have to wait until I get back to J-Lem to upload everything. Also took lots of pictures of Choompas - 'ch' pronounced with the gutteral 'ckh' sound, like in 'challah' or 'L'chaim

For Shannon:

Arabic: سلام اليكم
Salaam Alaikum, means hello. Arabic is the "cursive/scripty" looking one, and it looks the same whether it's typed or handwritten.

Hebrew: שלם
Shalom, means hello. Hebrew is "block letters" that don't connect; it has two scripts, one for
handwritten Hebrew and one for print (computers, books, etc
.)

Keyboard is going wonky on me because it's in Hebrew and English. Going to go before I confuse myself. Love to all

"Petah Tikvah?"

اذحب الى كفار سابا بالاوتوبوس ان شاء اللة! مع السلامة!

"Je suis le President de Burundi."

Ah, the ultimate question when in Israel:

Fireworks or gunfire?

Par-TAY.

(Don't worry, they weren't aiming at the Americans. (OH, ZING.))

- Hebrew lessons: are awesome.

- Housing situation: is resolved! Now living with non-sketch chick who desires to clean apartment from head to toe. WIN. Still have a few of dumpsters, but at least it's from the 8th floor, not right out my window.

- Shabbat: bodes well. Provided I can find the bus to the Central Bus Station, and from there to Kfar Saba. And not wind up in Petah Tikva. (Unless Ronit Elkabetz is there. Then I might not care.)

- Went with a few peeps to Ben Yehuda street. Witnessed crazy white African dummer, Rabbis dancing on top of a mini-van, a girl balancing on top of the street signs, and the most awesome falafel of life. (That last one I ate, not just witnessed. For the record. It comes with french fries! I think this country was made for me.)

- Still trying to figure out how to talk to Arabic!girl without making an ass of myself. Ahlan, ismee Catherine. La attakelm al-lukhet al-arabiyya jayyid. Ana "fail at life". Blargh. Must read up on Arabiyya mufradet.

- "Two languages in one head?! No one can live at that speed! Good lord, man!"

"But the Dutch speak four languages and smoke marijuana."

(http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1hJQsvoY6VU)

- Totes exhausted. Going to look over Hebrewz one more time, watch The Last Man (SHUTUP I'm having Flan withdrawals!), and then die.

"It's all right to have butterflies in your stomach. Just get them to fly in formation." - Dr. Rob Gilbert

Brain too tired for coherency. Also, no spell check on this computer. Be forwarned.

- Night before - 4 hours sleep. Anxiety! Sweet text from Babo.

- Flight - 10 hours. Sat next to Philipino dude. Very nice. Everyone spent most of the time with their headphones in. Did not sleep much. El Al forgot I was vegan. Did not eat much either. How long will it take Mombo to send a nasty email? *g*

- No customs! Holla.

- Bus ride - 1 hour. Made us fill out forms. Missed most of the view.

- Housing - Gross. Gross, gross, gross and for good measure some more gross. Dude that lives there is naaaaassty. I think the tile is growing stuff. Ew ew ew. Must have Gili take me shopping for animal friendly cleaning supplies. Babo, you think MY dorm was bad? This is a whole other level of disgusting. (I think I live with all dudes!)(And by live with, I mean there's a common area/kitchen we all share, and then everyone has their own bedroom.)(It looks rather like a prison cell. People at the front of campus at least get a view of the Haram al-Sharif. I see the back parking lot, and a lovely set of dumpsters.)

- Going on campus tour/to orientation/potential shopping excursion later. Will see whether my eyes stay open.

- ALSO. NO INTERNET IN MY DORM. I DIE NOW. DIE. This post brought to you by a public terminal. Charlie will feel so abandoned! MUST RECTIFY SOME WAY. (I imagine this involves talking to the nasty dude that lives with us.)(Other dude I met seems nice and clean and potentially not straight. We shall see.)

- Went grocery shopping. Babo will appreciate this: bread, peanut butter, jelly, and grapes. (The hummus wasn't labeled in English! Must get Gili to buy food with me.)

- Gonna go. Gotta pee. More later when brain works.

- Love to all.

"I take my children everywhere, but they always find their way back home." - Robert Orben

Words of wisdom from Babo:

"Play, explore, have fun, be a good girl. And don't pee or poo in your pants."

Thanks, Dad. I'll do my best.

"Cease to ask what the morrow will bring forth. And set down as gain each day that Fortune grants."

Leaving for NY tomorrow. Two days in the city with امي, then it's group flight time! Party-hardy. Ten hours. With total strangers that I'm to bond with and make insta!friends. (Just add hot water?)

Think I can shove my inner nerd down and be a normal human being for at least a few hours? Or should I head the words of Tutor Turtle? Folks what do dis... yeah, yeah, we know. Tutor Turtle obviously never had to make bffs with the cool kids. (Oh, please oh please let there be a sci-fi geek. Please oh please.)

We shall see if retail really is for suckas.

In the meantime:

Places I Must Drag My Mother To In NY

- Bethesda

- Vegan joint / Strand

- Camera store (...I really need to do research on that. Oops.)

- A wave to La MaMa?

- Shoes?

- Last minute items?

PS to Self: Don't forget your black folder, doofus. You know, the one with your passport and Visa and money? That could come in handy.

PPS: Jeeze, Horace. Pretentious, much?

مع السلامة